The first mental health related post, so this is the warning, if you’re not interested in that, just skip this post. And fair trigger warning; this post will likely cover aspects of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide. Again, you have been warned. Ignore this post completely if you aren’t interested or are just going to start a war.
Now that warning is out of the war (second warning, get out while you can if this isn’t for you…)
June 9th to the 15th this year is Men’s Mental Health Week. This is an insanely important event in the calendar, it’s something close to my heart and I have thoughts around it, the pro’s and con’s, comments on the naysayers and other ramblings you might have already come to expect.
Now, I suffer with mental health, that much is known to most. On top of that, in the past I have self-harmed, I’ve thought about suicide, and I’ve attempted it previously to, only to stop myself at the last pinnacle moment. Am I ashamed of all of this…that’s a loaded question really and it is something I’ve been asked before.
The answer isn’t a simple one. At the time, I was deeply ashamed, how could I be so weak? Selfish? To even consider doing anything to harm myself. Selfish that I would do that to the people who cared about me, however at the time, it was the only answer I had to the issues I was suffering with.
There have been two standout moments in my life that this has happened. The first in my late teens, I was alone, zero friends, zero prospects just nothing to live for. Ultimately what stopped me was the thought of my parents losing a child.
The second time was when my marriage was falling apart, predominantly due to my own idiotic life choices around money. We won’t go into that, but this was the time I attempted to take my own life. Only bailing at the last moment because of my three children. The thought of them growing up without a dad was unbearable. But ultimately, if it wasn’t war them – I likely wouldn’t be here.
So, as I say, yes, I was ashamed at the time. Now though, after trying to focus on myself, taking part in mental health clubs, I’ve realised – I shouldn’t be ashamed. Those moments shaped me into what I am today, a stronger person ultimately.
Now, why am I sharing this information? While I will never downplay any amount of mental health, regardless of your identity or anything like that. Men’s mental health, even now, holds such a stigma, so first, have some stats (I like a list).
- 12.5% of men in England have a mental health disorder
- These are only the diagnosed ones
- Men are 3 times more likely to die by suicide in England, than women
- Almost double the rate of men die from alcohol-specific causes than women
- 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health
- 29% of those say they are “too embarrassed” to speak about it, while 20% say there is a “negative stigma” on the issue
- 40% of men said it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm to compel them to get professional help
Now, I want you to read those stats again…take them in…
Now, let’s cover a couple and I’ll go onto my thoughts…and I guess what annoys me the most about the world currently regarding this. We’re going to cover suicide here…warnings are being made…
In 2023 in England, 5656 suicides were registered, that’s 372 more than 2022. The overall rate was 11.2 per 100,000 people
Out of those 5656 suicides, 4188 were men, the remaining 1468 were female, that’s 74% vs 26%. The age groups with the highest suicide rate: 45-49 for males and 50-54 for females.
The stats are frankly terrifying. It works out at around 17 suicides a day…let that sink in. On average of that equals to around 13 men and 4 women killing themselves each day.
I know some people, naysayers will have thoughts like “Oh just talk to someone” – speaking from experience, that can be the hardest thing in the world to do – and on that topic I give you the below stats based on the question “Why don’t you talk to anyone about your mental health” specifically for men this is:
- I’ve learnt to deal with it – 40%
- I don’t wish to burden anyone – 36%
- I’m too embarrassed – 29%
- There’s a negative stigma – 20%
- I don’t want to admit that I need support – 17%
- I don’t want to appear weak – 16%
- I have no-one to talk to – 14%
This applies to medical professionals too. Almost 22% of the people surveyed said they wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to a GP or any other professional about their mental health…that’s terrifying.
It’s terrifying, because I felt like that in the past. I told myself I didn’t have problems, even at my lowest point, I told myself I’d deal with it, I’ll be fine. I don’t want to tell anyone, I’m weak if I admit it and so much more.
These stats, prove that mental health, specifically in men, is so important. Men by nature, are protectors, they find they have to be strong, dependable, supportive – while that is sometimes the case. There are so many burdens in life now, not many people can handle that by themselves. They need an outlet.
One of the main issues is, in the first set of stats, 40% of men said it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm to compel them to seek professional help. This stat is scary, truly scary, but I get it. Once you are that point, your mental health is so deteriorated, that’s the point you get help? It’s the same logic as – “Oh my arms fallen off, guess I’ll go to the doctors now…” – men are twats when it comes to seeking help – this is 100% (in my eyes) an environmental thing. We’re brought up thinking we have to be providers, protectors and we shouldn’t have issues like “Oh I’m a bit sad”.
I’m here to say, be sad, be not okay, it’s okay to feel that way. To anyone who’s got this far, men specifically really, don’t let yourself become another statistic.
Now, the issues here, and how I describe them as environmental.
People…can be real bastards sometimes. There are people out there, and I’ve met a couple, who outright refuse to acknowledge that things like, depression, anxiety etc. exist. They think you’re just a bit upset about something, suck it up, you’ll be fine and my favourite statement – “Your life isn’t that bad”
This statement has stuck in my head since the first time I heard it as it hit me to the core as I believe them at the time “Why should I be sad? My life isn’t that bad”. What I’ve learned is, if you go through life comparing yourself to other people, you’ll not get anywhere, that goes for mental health especially.
What I’ve said in the past to people like this is “My problems matter to me, they’re big to me. You have no right to tell me what affects me” and they generally go quiet and walk away. Now there’s some out there that won’t and standfast. Those people either need a punch or just walk away. There is no winning an argument here.
But I think this is the issue. There are so many people (men and women) who still don’t believe mental health is basically a pandemic, especially among men. If that was the case, why do close to 6000 men visit an Andy’s Man Club every week? It’s such a small amount and should be larger, but this boils down to that stigma.
Social media, frankly is a fucking menace here…
You get these “influencers” who are either saying “Take this, you’ll be fine!” or “I go to the gym, stop being a pussy” and so much more…
At this time of year, women seem to be more of a problem…
There’s a trend going around, essentially a woman “dancing”, with the phrase reading “a moment of silence for men’s mental health” where they pretend to scream and shout…I find it fucking disgusting. And they are purely doing it for attention, clicks and views.
These same people, in a week, will state they have problems etc. which they might, but you can’t have it both ways.
The comments are just as bad, even on the videos made to essentially attack said influencers. Comments like “Where’s women’s mental health week” – it’s in May, Google’s free. I’ve seen a few comments about “November is men’s mental health month” – yeah, it is. Why can we not have a week, and a month later in the year? Why is that such a problem?
I could go on for hours about this problem, but it boils down to a couple of things.
Stop being a dick to other people, they have problems, they’re allowed. If you don’t want to help them, then just don’t and leave them to it. Don’t ever fucking downplay someone’s issues. If you are someone who doesn’t believe mental health issues are a thing, get out, you aren’t welcome and I truly hope you never get to the point where you suffer with them, because they are debilitating beyond belief.
If you need help…please…get it. There’s page here with numbers and people to reach out to, regardless of your gender or problems, they’ll listen – I promise.
References
I got my stats from these pages:
- https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/40-of-men-wont-talk-to-anyone-about-their-mental-health
- https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/suicide-facts-and-figures/latest-suicide-data/
- https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2023